


Save Us Both

by God217



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Trigger warning for secret ending content, have some of my angst lmao, i wrote this during an anxiety attack, it's only mentioned though not shown, suicide attempts and stuff, vent typing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 10:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15265548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/God217/pseuds/God217
Summary: An unsent letter from Saeyoung to Saeran, written after the secret endings have taken place.Version in which MC doesn’t exist, because she seems to be the only thing anyone ever holds on to.But what if she weren’t there?Saeyoung’s been depressed all his life, he’s never had a day of happiness, and all he ever had to hold on to was the belief that Saeran was happy.And then he finds out that he’s been lied to all along, and has to help Saeran deal with his recovery all on his own.But the question is, who’s helping Saeyoung?How do you save someone if you can’t even save yourself?Trigger Warning: Everything Secret Ending 2 brings up. You know the drill.





	Save Us Both

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Loraliah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loraliah/gifts).



Saeran, my brother… you know, there are things I can’t tell you, but things I can’t keep to myself.

I know that sometimes it seems like I don’t care.

I care about you, I think you know that, or so I hope at least. But I’m also aware that the way I act makes me seem happier than I am.

It makes me seem like I’m fine, when I really am not.

Truth is, I’m a liar.

Not on purpose.

Not the way you thought I was.

But all this, all you know of me, it’s fake.

I don’t even choose to be like this, it’s just the way I am. It’s impossible for me to even tell you how I feel, because I’ve never been allowed to, and now I don’t know how.

But I’m so scared, and I’m lost, and it’s eating me up.

Saeran, I want to be strong for you, but I'm crumbling myself and I'm terrified that you'll find out.

I know you’re not okay, and I know you need me to be there.

I’m here.

I’ll never leave you.

I love you too much to let you go, and you matter more than myself. So I focus on saving you, and I don't have time to save myself as well.

I'll be fine.

I'm not. But don't worry about me.

As long as you're okay, as long as you're with me, I'm going to be alright.

You say you need me, I need you too.

You say you have nothing but me, but I've got nothing but you either.

You think I'm enjoying this?

All I want is for you to be happy.

I work for the happiness of others, because I've given up on my own.

I'm not happy.

I'm not okay.

You don't know how far down I truly am, because I need to give you strength, and I can't falter in front of you.

In front of anyone.

I'm sorry for those times when I did. I'm trying.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to save you, I can't even save myself.

But you are the sun to me, you are the light that has saved me before, and I will never stop trying.

I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist.

I can't.

I'm not that strong.

I fake strong at times, as good as I can, but I'm not.

And I can't do this without you, either.

But I want to stay, I want to see the future that we'll have.

You think I need to save you, but instead I'm begging you.

Save me.

By fighting for you, I fight for myself, because you are my strength.

You are my reason.

My purpose.

Without you, I have nothing.

Without you, there won't be me either.

You’re my brother.

I follow where you go, whatever you decide.

But I'm begging you to stay, because I don't want to leave.

And if it means that I have to fight every day, so be it.

If I can’t sleep because you need me at night, can’t eat because all the worry makes me sick, that’s fine.

I’ll pay that price.

Because you’re my other half, you’re what I’ve been missing to be complete. And now that I’ve got you, I can’t lose you again.

You know, it would be alright to be apart as long as you’re happy.

As long as you’re okay, I don’t matter.

But you’re not, and breaks me, because I want to help you but I don’t know how.

Maybe you can’t see me, but I think of you all the time.

Every waking minute, you’re on my mind.

Every night I lay awake, all I can think of is you.

You think it’s other people that scare me like this?

You think it’s other people that do this to me?

I don’t care about them. I never did.

You’re the only one that matters.

I don’t care if the agency finds me.

I don’t care if I lose every friend I’ve ever made.

The whole world can turn its back on me, it doesn’t matter at all as long as you are by my side.

That’s the way it’s always been, that’s how it will always be.

As long as we’re together, it’s okay.

I’m not even mad at anyone anymore, I don’t have the energy nor the will to be.

I don’t hate mother for bringing us into this world.

I don’t blame V for lying all my life.

Maybe I’m not happy about it, maybe I’ll never truly be able to forgive them. But I can let it go.

I can accept it.

It’s in the past.

But the future, I need the future to be us, both of us.

I know you’re not alright, and I know that sometimes there are times where everything goes wrong at once.

But that’s not the way it will always be.

You and I were not born to suffer.

We can both choose our own paths.

Some people are born lucky, and some people are not. And we were not, but that doesn’t mean that it was a mistake.

You and I, we were born to be together.

And we will be forever, because there isn’t a single person I’d rather be with than you.

And I can’t imagine spending a single day without you.

Not again.

Never.

So if you can’t do it for yourself, then at least do it for me, because I need you just the same.

The future I promised we’d have can’t happen for either of us if we don’t find it side by side.

So, please.

I’ll never betray you.

I’ll never stop loving you.

I’ll never leave you.

I’ll never ask for anything in return, because what you give me just by loving me back is more than any money in the world could buy.

There’s only one thing that I need from you, the only thing I’ll ever need to live.

Don’t leave me either.


End file.
